Who, exactly, is in charge here?

It has been a very odd thing to get used to having someone in my house with me all the time (my ayi), but on the other hand it has been so great that I have someone to leave Gigi with when I need to dash out to pick up Olivia, go on a field trip, or trek 45 minutes across town to get to the very good German meat market. But one thing that is not working so well is ayi's inability to be the boss of Gigi. This is definitely a case where east meets west.
In China today, it seems children are given whatever they want, and they are basically placated in whatever way necessary so that they never cry. Seriously, they consider it a huge failing if children are crying and will basically give in to whatever children want so they don't cry. I have seen this at Gigi's school when teachers give the kids candy if they are crying or upset, just to get them to stop crying! And I am increasing experiencing it with our ayi, Xiao Chen. Gigi gets away with so much because Xiao Chen doesn't want her to cry. We have had several instances:
Once ayi took Gigi to the playroom and I explained, in Chinese, that we needed to leave at 4:00 to go to friends' house. At 4:10 they were still not back at the apartment so I went to find them. When I asked Xiao Chen why she didn't come back, she said "I tell Gigi it's time to go, but she say 'no ayi!'." That time I just let it go because I wasn't really sure what to say.
Then a few days ago I got out of the shower and went to find Gigi. She had a green hand and green all around her mouth. I asked her what she had and she showed me the Skittle in her mouth. I asked where she got it..."ayi give it to me and change my diaper." Translation: ayi could not get Gigi to agree to a diaper change so she bribed her with Skittles! Candy at 9:00 in the morning!
And then today. I left for a field trip at Olivia's school about 8:15. Gigi was finishing watching the end of a Dora movie. I told both Gigi and ayi that when the one Dora movie was over, she was done watching. I came home at 11:00 and Gigi was STILL sitting on my bed watching Dora. I totally lost it. I yanked the DVD player off the bed and put it away, causing Gigi to scream and cry in frustration. Then I looked at Xiao Chen and said "why is she watching a movie?" Her answer: "I tell Gigi no more movie and she say 'no ayi' and she cry so I say OK." AYYYYYYYY! Seriously! I told Xiao Chen in English AND Chinglish that she was the boss of Gigi, that Gigi is 2 years old and she cannot make her own decisions, and that 3 hours of TV is very bad for her. Then I typed it all into Babelfish and translated it to English to hopefully make sure she understood.

I am totally baffled by a society where children have such respect for their elders, yet are given everything they want. How does that work? Do we have it all wrong putting our kids in time-out and letting them cry when they don't get their way? I know for sure it makes Xiao Chen totally bonkers when I put either of the girls in time-out. I've had to tell her a couple different times not to get the girls out of time-out! It's just such a different way of looking at raising children. And somehow I think that the ayi believes they are here to help, not to be the mom or the disciplinarian. But if that's the case, then I can't leave Gigi with Xiao Chen for very long. I am really struggling with how to navigate this relationship. I am asking my ayi to discipline my children in the same way I do, yet this is asking her to do things that go against her nature and her culture. But if she doesn't, what kind of little monster will I have on my hands when I return to the US in 2 years?

Speaking of that little monster, Joe told me I had to blog about the latest two incidences with her, even though they are very embarrassing to me. Yesterday morning when I had my weekly case of the runs (yes, even when we're careful and prepare food correctly and buy it at reputable places, we all seem to get the runs at least once a week.) Anyway, Gigi comes in the bathroom and asks "Mama have diarrhea?" I say, "well, a little." And in answer to this she starts singing a song, made up entirely of the word diarrhea, over and over again. She sings it the whole way to the door, and down the elevator and while I put her in her seat on my bike. I didn't say anything because I thought she'd get tired of it, which she did once she saw me putting on my very fashionable rain poncho designed to cover my entire bike. (yes, yes, I am truly one of the people now.) Anyway, we got to school and as I get her out of the bike seat I hear her start up the diarrhea song again. When I ask her to stop, she says with a two dimple grin "but it's a good song, right Mama?" No, not so much. My only hope is that no one in her classroom knew that particular English word...
The second Gigi incident was about a week ago, again on my bike on the way to Gigi's school. Gig's school is in a housing compound, and like most of the compounds at the main gate there is one of the yellow arms that goes up and down as a security guard waves you in. I have no idea who doesn't get to come in because I never see the arm down. Until I was riding in one day and the arm started to come down. I was a little surprised and I ducked my head and pedaled faster, but alas, not fast enough. The gate came down right on top of Gigi's head! Thank goodness she was wearing a helmet!!! She was fine, just a little scared, but the guard was laughing hysterically, which I really did not appreciate. Of course when we rode to school the next time, Gigi observes as we ride through the gate, "It not hit me this time Mama!" She now watches that yellow arm very carefully, as well she should since her Mama doesn't always make the wisest decisions.